Young People Ask

Do I Need Better Friends?

“If I’m angry, I need someone to vent to. If I’m sad, I want someone to tell me it’s going to get better. If I’m happy, I want to share that with someone. To me, friends are a necessity.”​—Brittany.

IT’S been said that little children need playmates, whereas adolescents need friends. What’s the difference?

A playmate is someone who keeps you company.

A friend is someone who also shares your values.

Furthermore, the Bible states that “a true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress.” (Proverbs 17:17) That’s probably describing a deeper kind of friendship than you found at the playground!

Fact: As you progress toward adulthood, you need friends who

(1) Have admirable qualities.

(2) Live by praiseworthy standards.

(3) Have a positive influence on you.

Question: How can you tell if your friends fit that profile? Let’s examine one factor at a time.

Friendship Factor #1​—Admirable Qualities

What you should know. Not everyone who claims to be a friend has what it takes to live up to the title. The Bible even says that “there exist companions disposed to break one another to pieces.” (Proverbs 18:24) That might sound extreme. But consider: Have you ever had a “friend” who took advantage of you? What about one who talked behind your back or spread false rumors about you? Such an experience can shatter your trust. * Always remember  that when it comes to friends, quality is more important than quantity!

What you can do. Choose as friends those who have qualities that are worthy of imitation.

“Everyone has such a positive view of my friend Fiona. I want to be spoken of in a good way too. I want the same reputation she has. To me, that’s admirable.”​—Yvette, 17.

Try this exercise.

1. Read Galatians 5:22, 23.

2. Ask yourself, ‘Do my friends reflect qualities that make up “the fruitage of the spirit”?’

3. List below the names of your closest friends. Next to each name, write the trait that best describes the person.

Name Trait

․․․․․ ․․․․․

․․․․․ ․․․․․

․․․․․ ․․․․․

Hint: If only negative traits come to mind, it might be time to look for better friends!

Friendship Factor #2​—Praiseworthy Standards

What you should know. The more desperate you are for friends, the more likely you are to settle for the wrong kind. The Bible says: “He that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.” (Proverbs 13:20) The term “stupid ones” does not refer to people who lack intelligence. Rather, it describes those who turn their back on sound reasoning and instead follow a morally insensible course​—the kind of friends you can do without!

What you can do. Instead of befriending just anyone who’ll accept you, be discriminating. (Psalm 26:4) No, that’s not to say you should be prejudiced. In this context, being discriminating means that you’re perceptive enough to “see the distinction between a righteous one and a wicked one, between one serving God and one who has not served him.”​—Malachi 3:18.

God is not partial, but he discriminates when it comes to the matter of whom he will accept as ‘a guest in his tent.’ (Psalm 15:1-5) You can do the same. Live by upright standards, and others who are striving to do the same are more likely to find you. In the end, they will make the best kind of friends!

“I’m thankful that my parents helped me to find friends​—people my age who are doing well spiritually.”​—Christopher, 13.

 Try this exercise.

Answer the following questions:

▪ When with my friends, am I often nervous that they might try to pressure me into doing something I know is wrong?

□ Yes □ No

▪ Am I reluctant to introduce my friends to my parents, fearing that my parents might not approve of them?

□ Yes □ No

Hint: If you answered yes to the above questions, look for friends who have higher standards. Why not start with those who are a little older than you and who set a good example in Christian living?

Friendship Factor #3​—Positive Influence

What you should know. The Bible states: “Bad companions ruin good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33, Today’s English Version) A youth named Lauren says: “My schoolmates accepted me as long as I did just what they told me to do. I was lonely, so I decided to act like them just so I’d fit in.” Lauren found out that when you conform to others’ standards, you can become like a pawn on a chessboard, and they move you around at their whim. You deserve better than that!

What you can do. Cut off ties with those who insist that you change to conform to their lifestyle. If you take this step, you’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll open the door to better friendships​—the kind that will influence you in a positive way.​—Romans 12:2.

“My close friend Clint is levelheaded and empathetic, and as a result, he’s been the greatest encouragement to me.”​—Jason, 21.

Try this exercise.

Ask yourself the following questions:

▪ Do I change the way I dress, speak, or act to please my friends?

□ Yes □ No

▪ Do I find myself going to morally questionable places that I would not frequent if it were not for my friends?

□ Yes □ No

Hint: If you answered yes to the above questions, go to your parents or to another mature adult for advice. If you’re one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, you could also approach a Christian elder and let him know that you’d like assistance in choosing friends who will have a better influence on you.

More articles from the “Young People Ask” series can be found at the Web site www.watchtower.org/​ype

[Footnote]

TO THINK ABOUT

▪ What qualities would you most value in a friend, and why?

▪ What qualities do you need to work on to be a better friend?

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WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY

“When my parents steered me away from a certain group of friends, I told myself that these were the only ones I wanted to associate with. My parents’ advice was good, though, and once I took off my blinders, I realized that there were plenty of better friends available.”​—Cole.

“Engaging in the Christian ministry is the best way for me to get to know people in the congregation. That’s where I get to mix with a variety of people, both young and old. And I’m spending time with people who love Jehovah.”​—Yvette.

“I prayed for friends, but then I realized that I wasn’t doing anything to find them. So I began to take the initiative and talk to others at Christian meetings. Soon I had many new friends. I almost never feel lonely anymore.”​—Sam.

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TRY THESE SUGGESTIONS

Talk to your parents about friendships. Ask them about the kind of friends they had when they were your age. Do they have regrets about their choice of companions? If so, why? Ask them how you can avoid some of the problems they encountered.

Introduce your friends to your parents. If you’re hesitant to do so, ask yourself, ‘Why is this the case?’ Is there something about your friends that you know your parents won’t approve of? If so, you may need to be more selective when it comes to choosing your friends.

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THREE WAYS TO KEEP GOOD FRIENDS

▪ Be a good listener. Show interest in your friends’ welfare and concerns.​—Philippians 2:4.

▪ Be forgiving. Don’t expect perfection. “We all stumble many times.”​—James 3:2.

▪ Give them space. There’s no need to be clingy. Genuine friends will be there when you need them.​—Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10.

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When you conform to others’ standards just to fit in, you can become like a pawn on a chessboard, to be moved around at their whim