Ese wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mujya munanirwa kuganira mutuje? Ese ujya wumva uhangayitse utekereza ko ibyo uvuga bishobora kumurakaza mugatongana?

Niba bijya bibaho, humura bishobora guhinduka. Ikintu cya mbere mugomba kumenya ni impamvu ituma mutongana.

Kumva nabi ibyo undi avuze.

Umugore witwa Jillian * yaravuze ati “hari igihe mbwira umugabo wanjye ibintu akabyumva ukundi. Hari n’igihe ntekereza ko namubwiye ibintu runaka nyamara nta byo nigeze mubwira.”

Kutabona ibintu kimwe.

Nubwo wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mwaba mukwiranye mute, hari ibintu mutazabona kimwe. Kubera iki? Nta bantu babiri bashobora kumera kimwe neza neza. Ibyo bishobora gutuma mu muryango haba ibyishimo cyangwa intonganya, ariko intonganya ni zo zikunze kubaho.

Urugero rubi rw’ababyeyi.

Umugore witwa Rachel yaravuze ati “ababyeyi banjye bahoraga batongana, bakabwirana amagambo yuzuye agasuzuguro, ku buryo igihe nari maze gushaka nabwiraga umugabo wanjye nk’uko mama yabwiraga data. Sinari naratojwe kubaha umugabo wanjye.”

Suzuma umenye impamvu nyazo zibitera.

Akenshi iyo hari ikintu kibaye mugatongana, mu by’ukuri haba hari ikindi cyihishe inyuma. Urugero, intonganya zishobora kuvuka mu gihe umwe avuze ati “uhora ukererwa.” Ariko mu by’ukuri ntaba agira ngo amwibutse kubahiriza igihe, ahubwo aba ashaka kumubwira ko amusuzugura.

Impamvu yaba ibitera yose, guhora mutongana bigira ingaruka ku buzima kandi bishobora no gutuma mutana. None se mwakora iki ngo mureke gutongana?

Kugira ngo mwirinde intonganya, mugomba kubanza kumenya impamvu nyayo ituma mutongana. Igihe wowe n’uwo mwashakanye muzaba mutuje, muzagerageze gukora uyu mwitozo:

1. Buri wese nafate agapapuro, yandikeho ikintu muherutse gupfa. Urugero, umugabo ashobora kwandika ati “wiriranwa n’incuti zawe, ntumbwire aho wahoze.” Umugore na we ashobora kwandika ati “urakazwa n’uko marana igihe n’incuti zanjye.”

2. Mwembi muganire kuri ibi bibazo, ariko mubwizanye ukuri: ese koko icyo ni ikintu cyari gutuma mutongana? Ese ubwo ntimwari kucyirengagiza? Kugira ngo mwimakaze amahoro, byaba byiza rimwe na rimwe mwibutse ko mudashobora guhora mubona ibintu kimwe, maze mukirengagiza ibibazo mufitanye bitewe n’uko mukundana.—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Imigani 17:9.

Niba wowe n’uwo mwashakanye musanze mwaratonganye mupfa ubusa, musabane imbabazi kandi birangirire aho.—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Abakolosayi 3:13, 14.

Niba musanze icyo mwapfuye gikomeye, mukore ibi bikurikira:

3. Buri wese niyandike uko yari ameze igihe mwatonganaga. Urugero, umugabo ashobora kwandika ati “numvaga ko wahisemo kwiganirira n’incuti zawe.” Umugore na we ashobora kwandika ati “numvaga ko wamfashe nk’umwana ugomba kubwira se aho agiye hose.”

4. Mugurane izo mpapuro, buri wese asome ibyo undi yanditse. None se usanze mu by’ukuri ari iki cyari gihangayikishije uwo mwashakanye igihe mwatonganaga? Murebere hamwe icyo buri wese yari gukora kugira ngo hatavuka intonganya.—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Imigani 29:11.

5. Muganire ku byo uwo mwitozo ubigishije. Wakoresha ute ibyo wamenye kugira ngo ukemure ibibazo cyangwa mwirinde kuzongera gutongana?