Umyeni uthi: “Lapho sishada, mina nomkami sasinemibono engafani ngokuthi kusho ukuthini ukubonisa inhlonipho. Kwakungekona ukuthi omunye umbono wawulungile omunye uyiphutha​—yayimane nje ihlukile. Ngangivame ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi umkami wayengabonisa inhlonipho eyengeziwe endleleni ayekhuluma ngayo nami.”

Unkosikazi uthi: “Ngakhula ngaphansi kwezimo lapho ukukhulumela phezulu, ukulinganisa kakhulu ngobuso nokungena abanye emlonyeni kwakuyinto evamile lapho kuxoxwa. Sasingakubheki lokho njengokungabonisi inhlonipho. Kodwa kuyisimo esihluke ngokuphelele kuleso umyeni wami akhuliswa kuso.”

Inhlonipho emshadweni akuyona into yokuboniswa lapho uthandile; iyisidingo. Ungabonisa kanjani ukuthi uyamhlonipha oshade naye?

Amadoda akudinga ngokukhethekile ukuhlonishwa. IBhayibheli litshela amadoda: “Yilowo nalowo kini makamthande kanjalo umkakhe njengoba ezithanda yena.” Kodwa libe selenezela: “Umfazi kufanele abe nenhlonipho ejulile ngomyeni wakhe.” (Efesu 5:33) Nakuba bobabili inkosikazi nendoda bedinga ukuzizwa bethandwa futhi behlonishwa, amadoda enza kahle nakakhulu lapho ehlonishwa. UCarlos * ongumyeni uthi: “Amadoda adinga ukwazi ukuthi angakwazi ukubhekana nezimo ezivelayo, ukuxazulula izinkinga nokunakekela umndeni.” Lapho inkosikazi ilihlonipha ikhono lomyeni wayo lokwenza izinto ezinjengalezi, akuzuzisi nje umyeni kuphela kodwa nayo iyazuza. Inkosikazi ebizwa ngoCorrine ithi: “Umyeni wami ungibonisa uthando ngokwengeziwe lapho ngimbonisa ukuthi ngiyamhlonipha.”

Yiqiniso, namakhosikazi ayakudinga ukuhlonishwa. Kunomqondo lokho ngoba indoda ngeke imthande ngempela unkosikazi engamhloniphi. UDaniel uthi: “Kudingeka ngihloniphe imibono nokusikisela komkami. Kudingeka ngihloniphe nemizwelo yakhe. Ukungaqondi kwami ukuthi kungani ezizwa ngendlela ethile akusho ukuthi ngingavele ngingayinaki indlela azizwa ngayo.”

Inhlonipho efanele izwiwa yilowo oyiboniswayo. Iphuzu akukhona ukuthi wena ucabanga ukuthi uyayibonisa yini inhlonipho noma cha, kodwa liwukuthi oshade naye uzizwa ehlonishwa yini. Lesi isifundo esafundwa inkosikazi ecashunwe ekuqaleni ngaphansi kwesihlokwana esithi “Inselele.” “Ngisho noma ngangingacabangi ukuthi angihloniphi, uma ngangenza umyeni wami azizwe kanjalo, yimi okwakumelwe enze ushintsho.”

• Bhala phansi izinto ezintathu ozithandayo ngomyeni wakho noma ngomkakho. Izimfanelo ozithandayo ozibalile zingaba isisekelo ongakhela kuso inhlonipho.

• Hlaziya ukuziphatha kwakho (hhayi koshade naye) isikhathi esingaba yisonto, kulezi zici ezilandelayo.

Amazwi akho. Ucwaningo olwenziwa ngabashadile lwabonisa ukuthi “lapho kuxoxwa ngokungezwani, labo abanemishado ejabulisayo neqinile, esicini esisodwa esingesihle ababesisho ngabashade nabo babenezinto ezinhlanu ezinhle abazishoyo ngabo. Ngokuphambene, abashadile abasengcupheni yesehlukaniso bona esicini esisodwa esingesihle babenesingaphansi kwesisodwa (0,8) esihle ngabashade nabo.” *​—Isimiso seBhayibheli: IzAga 12:18.

Zibuze: ‘Ingabe ngikhuluma ngenhlonipho nengishade naye? Ngigxeka kangakanani uma kuqhathaniswa nezikhathi engincoma ngazo? Ngikhuluma kanjani lapho ngiveza umbono noma isikhalo?’ Ingabe oshade naye angavumelana nezimpendulo zakho?—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Kolose 3:13.

Zama lokhu: Zibekele umgomo wokuncoma umyeni wakho noma umkakho okungenani kanye ngosuku. Ukusikisela: Bheka izimfanelo ozibalile ekuqaleni. Zijwayeze ukutshela oshade naye ukuthi yini oyithandayo ngaye.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: 1 Korinte 8:1.

Izenzo zakho. Inkosikazi ebizwa ngo-Alicia ithi: “Ngichitha isikhathi esiningi ngenza umsebenzi wasendlini; lapho umyeni wami ekuhlonipha ukuzikhandla kwami ngokubeka izinto endaweni yazo noma ukugeza izitsha abezisebenzisa, ngiba nomuzwa wokuthi imizamo yami ayilona ize futhi ngibalulekile emshadweni wethu.”

Zibuze: ‘Ingabe indlela engiphatha ngayo engishade naye ibonisa ngokucacile ukuthi ngiyamhlonipha? Ingabe ngiyamnika isikhathi futhi ngimnaka ngokwanele?’ Ingabe oshade naye angavumelana nezimpendulo zakho?

Zama lokhu: Bhala phansi izindlela ezintathu wena ongathanda ukuboniswa ngazo inhlonipho. Cela oshade naye enze okufanayo. Yibani senishintshana ngezinhlu zenu ukuze ngamunye asebenzele ekuboniseni inhlonipho ezicini omunye azibonisile. Gxila kwesakho isidingo sokubonisa inhlonipho. Lapho omunye ehola, nomunye cishe uyolandela.